5Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. 6In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 7Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
I worry about everything and often create things to worry about. I worry about things I’ve said to people. I worry about my job. I worry about my kids – even when my kid’s lives are seemingly great. My husband has accused me of only being happy when I worry. But how can I be happy when worrying makes me so sad? I still wake up every day, my bills are paid, my kids are fine, we’re relatively healthy. On top of all the worries I have at least a little control over, I’m anxious over things I can’t control. So what to do? I’ve been trying to bucket my worries. I have three things that have already happened that I wish I could have done differently: (regrets); things I CAN control; and finally, things I can’t control but wish I could. Bucketing only helps a little. How about if I turn my worries over to God? Maybe for a nanosecond that sounds reasonable, but do I really think God is listening to me? Not really, if I’m being honest – although I do pray every night, but I don’t think that’s turning over my worries to God because I still worry after I pray.
Does submitting to Him and allowing Him to make my path straight mean I shouldn’t look at the big picture? Instead just focus on today? Is that realistic? How can I not worry about retirement, my kids, my aging which I’m fighting tooth and nail? Does God not want me to worry at all? Does constant worrying mean I don’t trust God? Does it mean that I’m trying to control my own destiny? If I choose to worry about things I can control and turn everything else over to God, what would that look like? I’m not sure, but while I continue to try and turn my worries over to God, I will also try not to overlook all the good things in my life. I’m going to try to be realistic, since I worry a lot about things that probably will never happen and I can’t change the past, I will try to relax and take life one day at a time. I will take action on those things that I can control, but I will also try to listen to God’s word. I will try to believe that all the problems I face in my life are making me stronger.
Lord help me to remember the words of Proverbs and submit to Him who will make my path straight. Amen.